Choosing the best sex toy, that’s right for you.

Choosing the right sex toy can be a daunting task. There are a million and one toys available and if you are shopping online, fully understanding what you are looking at, can be overwhelming.

I think it’s important to debunk the myth that sex toys are for pervs, weirdos and sex maniacs.

For many, especially those who were shopping in the 80’s and 90’s, sex shops were very often seedy joints run by what always appeared to be dubious older men. This is no longer the case, Sure those shops still exits, but now there are choices. Elegant, tasteful shops, with knowledgeable, helpful people who won’t make you feel uncomfortable.

First ask yourself – what are your needs?

Is it to use quietly on your own, or do you want to explore couples play? Or perhaps it’s about getting more adventurous or connecting with a partner who is miles away. Do you want clitoral, vaginal, g–spot, anal stimulation or a bit of everything? Are you looking for something that’s not for the genital area, the nipples, sensual toys for massage? 

The other vital consideration is cost.

Toys are not cheap, so it needs to be a worthwhile investment. You can buy cheaper toys, but these really aren’t as good as the newer silicone, rechargeable ones.

Still on cost, if you are a first time buyer and not convinced you are going to enjoy them, I would suggest buying an older battery operated one, something simple like a Danny the Dolphin or Roger Rabbit. These toys have both clitoral and vaginal stimulation and can be a cheaper starter option before you take out a second home loan to afford the top of the range.

A friend of mine believes an electric toothbrush works; okay I admit I tried…it’s bollocks, doesn’t even work a little bit… if a toothbrush had been my first foray with a toy, I wouldn’t own any!

But I do own many, more than 20 different types of sex toys to be precise; and I still make toy purchases that disappoint.

We can’t test out sex toys.

Would that it were like trying on a dress or a pair of pants; the cut, the material the finished look, all specific to our individual frames, what looks good on me may not work for you. And it’s no different with sex toys, there is always a gamble involved.

I was asked to go with a client to choose a toy.

She had never owned one and decided it was time to venture into the world of plastic playmates. I quizzed her on exactly what she wanted to stimulate. We browsed the plethora of different options and settled on a beautiful toy priced at R2300.

Excited with her purchase she tried it out that very evening. Much to both our disappointment she found it hard, unyielding and quite frankly way too much work. She said she enjoyed more success with her finger. I encouraged her to keep trying for a few nights. Many of my favourite toys have taken time for me to adjust to, but once I got the hang of them, there was no turning back. She dutifully kept trying, but alas, could not reach the pleasure she imagined she would derive from this ‘expensive gadget.’

It was quite simply the wrong toy for her. The story does end well…she now has 2 different toys that she loves. The concept sounds totally gross, but I wish there was a second hand toy shop where we could swop out the toys that don’t work for us. Well, they are dish washable and sterilisable after all!

Top recommendations:

  • External Vibrators eg: The Swan Wand– easy to use, direct clitoral stimulation. Many women enjoy the egg shape design – Je Joue Mimi or Lelo Vibrator Clitoral Nea 2, to name just 2.
  • Rabbit or Dolphin vibrators are sure fire wins – these are toys with a single (Dolphin – think Dolphin nose) or double (Rabbit – think rabbit ears) clitoral stimulation as well as a shaft for internal use. There is a vast design variation available and I recommend this design because of their versatility.
  • Besides going with your gut, I have found the designs with thicker shafts to work well as they stay in without being held. The Whooper Swan is a good example of this.
  • Suction Vibrators eg: The Womanizer – this is a toy that uses a sucking motion on the clitoris rather than a vibrating motion. Once you get the hang of this toy, the pleasure is definitely orgasmic and highly recommended.
  • Wand Vibrators eg: Magic Wand – with the long handle and large head, an easy to use clitoral stimulor.
  • Internal Vibrators eg: Fun Factory Sundaze – this toy stimulates vaginally and can be used clitorally.

My choice is always a vibrator before a Dildo as they are more versatile.

You can get vibrators that look like penises if that’s a preference; the important part is the functionality. Read up on the different settings it has. Some can feel like excavators digging for diamonds as they whirl in a circular motion, not a great sensation. Plain vibration is more pleasurable; some have a pump action which also feels great. Using the shaft in fast motion controlling the action yourself with the toy switched off, works a treat to reach vaginal orgasm.

  • G – Spot stimulation eg: Tulip Intimate Vibe – great value for money. G- spot stimulators often come with a curved shaft, this design isn’t always effective, so go with a medium sized vibrator and explore. Some women swear by products such as Gigi 2 – a curve design.
  • Multiple Stimulus – Many options here, the recommendations for external vibrators is where I would look. Look at the design of the toy and you will know the areas that can be stimulated. The Trumpeter Swan is a nifty design to explore play in more than one area.
  • A lady finger can be used for both vaginal and anal play. These toys are often not strong enough for clitoral play.
  • The We-Vibe is great for couples play – it stimulates the clitoris and g – spot while the penis is simultaneously inside. Can be difficult to get the hang of, but very effective once you do. Men sometimes find it tricky to hold back their orgasm, so be warned.
  • Vibrating cock rings with clitoral stimulators can be fun to add to pleasure, again the stimulation is often not strong enough to target specific orgasms – meaning you may not cum clitorally with the stimulation but it adds overall pleasure.
  • Butt Plugs and beads can be used for anal stimulation, and while these are well priced, something that vibrates definitely gives added anal pleasure; and can be switched off if you aren’t in the mood for this added stimulation, and is why I recommend vibrators over dildo’s – versatility.

It goes without saying that toys require fastidious hygiene, and observing this is a must.

If you have questions or would like to discuss toy choices please send me an email.

Shopping is really fun, but the disappointment of buying an expensive play thing that doesn’t work for you is real!

Oh and a last last point… all toys boast that they are silent, they generally aren’t. Quiet is the exception not the rule, so only switch on when you know it’s safe for the gentle sound of a Boeing to whir from your boudoir.

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